How To Deal With The Guilt Of Moving A Loved One Into A Nursing Home

Moving a loved one into a new environment can be a very uncomfortable and stressful experience. We are often in denial that our loved ones need special care because for much of our lives they were the ones taking care of us. The exchange of care intensifies our parent’s feelings of helplessness as well as causing us to feel a great deal of guilt and confusion.

We may feel a range of emotions such as feelings of being inadequate or feeling as if we are responsible. It’s hard to ask someone to leave their old life behind and adapt to a new environment where they will be trusted in the hands of new caregivers, given new schedules, and surrounded by unfamiliar faces. You may feel like it’s your responsibility to take care of the people who have taken care of you and you hope that they can make the best of their new situation. You may feel guilty about the role reversal and having to take over their roles. We want our parents to remain the decision makers and having to move them into an assisted living facility says that we can no longer handle taking care of them. One way to deal with the guilt is by simply anticipating that you may have to move your loved one into a nursing home one day. If you visit a nursing home early it may help ease your anxiety and give you a better perspective of the kind of care they will be receiving.

The could-a, would-a, should-a, moments add to our guilt because they cause us to rethink our elder care decisions. You may ask yourself if you are doing the right thing and this second guessing can lead to an even more stressful and anxious experience. We are so used to making informed decisions about ourselves that we can become confused when we are forced to make critical arrangements for someone else. By anticipating the situation and making decisions with your parents while they are still able to make those decisions, it may help ease some of the tension you are feeling. Early planning can broaden your options, answer your questions, and clarify some of your ambiguity. Another way to help ease your guilt is to remember that you want nothing more than to help eliminate your parents pain and suffering and further more improve their quality of life. You may physically not be able to do this but you can place them in a facility than can. Try to focus on the small victories such as proving them with excellent care, creating meaningful activities, and keeping you and your parents together for as long as possible.

Moving your parents is not easy and if may require you to make a very difficult decision. The narrow window you may be given forces us to make our decision without all the resources you may need available to you. We are faced with challenges to our ideals of the parent-child relationship but it’s important to remember that we are trying to do what’s best for them as well as what’s best for you. Just remember that growing old is a natural part of life and you’re not always going to be in a place in your life where you can look after your loved ones 24/7, but nursing homes can.